hehe..today my b'd..but nothin much happen lah..din even celeb cuz all ma frenz so bz..so juz sit at home n cook for ma family..hehe..:p
quite a lot of ppl wish me hapi b'dae lah..but i bet if its not for my msn nick, dey wouldnt even know. worse still for dose ppl whom i've told but dey forget. haiz. even worse if they're my OLD frens n dey din wish me or anitin. nvm. muz try hard to enjoy. 17 alreadi..hehe

aniway, yesterday went to pulau ubin. for my S&W attachment. have to reach in sch so early. on a Sat morning some more. but if i dont go den i cant pass the module.. so no choice. went there and there were like so many ppl der alreadi. and most of those faces i haven even seen once in my entire life. but lucky i found Sandra and Pamela. so talked and sit with them while waiting for the others. at last it was time to go. sit on the bus and wanted to slp but ended up talking to een. we talked until we reached the place. but we ate also. in the bus. epok2. haha.

wen we reached the place, we were split up into grps. so me n een n nadiah n sandra n pamela n all e rest were split into diff grps. so sad. but wei xuan decided to join me, so we end up in the same grp. den sandra n pamela joined us also, even if when it was obvious that we were not suppose to be in e same one. almost got scoldin frm our GL but heck care. den start introducin one another (hate dis part) wen Sandra (being the cheeky girl dat she is) lets out dat its my b'd the next day (today). so the whole grp sang me a b'd song (which was TOTALLY embarrassing, felt like strangling Sandra) den wanted me to make a speech lah wadever but i was too paise to agree. so we had our lunch first. WeiXuan belanja me de nasi lemak der cuz he said its my b'd wad tmr. hehe.
den at last went to pulau ubin. oh yah, n finally een and nadiah decided to join e same grp as us..hehe...dis is FUN! e boat ride was fun until e part wer we had to alight. cuz e end of e boat keep bumpin n shaking sideways dat almoz fell..haha..this is the ride der. don ask bout e ride back. it was bloody hell sooo noisy dat we cant hear a single THING! our eardrums almost BURST for crying out loud.
aniway, at pulau ubin nothin much. onli walked for how many kilometers total. din reali count. but all i know is when it was time to go home, i was exhausted n juz wanna slp. onli thing is, it has started to rain. wanted to go sch den frm der take bus go home. but follow zaid instead. cuz he said ders a shorter way. so went w him. onli ting is, he went w all his frens (dono bout how many also). n let me tell ya, goin home w a bunch of guys who are strangers to u 'cept one, is def NOT a must have experience. i mean, god how can these ppl be sooo lame sumtimes?? of cuz, i juz keep to maself n keep ma mouth shut. and first mistake is that bring me to the wrong bus stop. haiz. wad in e world rite? den argued bout who's fault it was. i mean, COME ON! it's over n done w so can u pls juz SHUT UP?!
took bus n finally got SOME slp. den went down at Bedok der. took a straight bus to W'd. by dat time it was onli me and zaid. at e bus, i had the intention to slp.. but juz nv got thru to it. so talked to zaid. and found out more bout him...lol. guyz can b so sensitive at times u know..;)
and i realized dat his schedule is even worse dan me...haiz. but still. i am stress. cuz i don understan. nvm.
oh yah, juz now met up w grace n she gave me a prezie. haha. tanx gracie...

^haPi B'd To meee...haha. tanx for dose ppl who rmbrd. luv ya lots..to dose who don't.. y do i even bother call u frens?^

ok...today, e startin of sch was so sucky. i hate it. hmm...wad happened aniway? oh yah, i woke up n juz my eyes already felt teary frm laz nite. so all e tings juz came flooding back to me again. n felt awful again.

haiz. so black face go sch n felt reali bad cuz i make all my frens in bad mood. sori u guys. but i cant help myself. aniway, i cant realy complete e FS tutorial in e morn. den for CSA, luckily nothin. but wad i hate moz is dat my classmates were TOO damn NOISY! and at dat time i had e worst headache. i juz felt like crawling under e table n hide der...away frm it all. away frm all e bullshit n nonsense dat dose bloody childish classmates of mine were shouting about. bloody hell but dey reali cant keep their freaking mouth shut wen dey get together. sori, but i was reali annoyed. n ders nothing i can do bout it. of cuz i meant e guys la...so babies, if u're readin dis, i dont mean u guys ok? don take it e wrong way.

for PSP (haiz. felt teary again) Nat onli explain to us abt dat STOOPID bloody assignment. n ppl hv all started wen i onli read e lecture slides yesterday. haiz. feeling stress again. hell man. i feel like goin away frm all dis crapz. had to rush after dat cuz me meetin jannah. hahakz. oh n e onli ting dat makes me smile at e end of e day was wen i met dis fren of mine on e way home. hehe.

went library find jannah but she wasnt der. n i hv noway of contactin her. so decided to go home wen i met haz on e way. n of cuz use her phone to call NJ.

aniway, to haz: long time no contact! Miz U lots gerl!

turns out she was w arifah n jes. we talked bout who was watchin e movie but end up onli me n NJ. but i don mind cuz we actuali get to spend time togeder. so bought e tickets n spend time eatin n taking neoprints. haha

watched e movie n it was bloody funny (in a cold n gross kind of way). larfed my ass off. haha..been a long time since i had a real larf. n i really need it. enjoyed it. so basically it was a nice endin to a lousy beginning for e day. so to dear NJ: happi b'day once again! :p

^NotiCe Y PpL aLwaYs saY sTay YouthFul AlwaYs wen ITs SOOO clear daT u're Growin oLder Each DAY?^

now in FS lecture. dono y he still havent start e lecture yet i dont know. maybe because there's not many ppl here? aniway, been feeling a bit off lately. yesterday i wasnt feeling so gd. not so much of my health but more of emotions. haiz. the thing is that time i used to like dis guy. n den found out dat another girl like him. so i dont mind cuz its not like he's aniting to me rite? but den a few days ago found out dat now they r like friendly2...guez she's much luckier dan i am. i'm not jealous that she gets him (cuz i don tink he's really dat worth it) juz jealous dat she's so lucky. haha.. what a fool i am rite? i know. well forget it then. its not worth talking abt.

juz hand in our IMMF project juz now even thou we were a bit late. but quite lucky dat it wasnt collected wen we hand in. haiz. den later meeting my fren. NJ. wanna study w her. for real dis time. but we have to finish our CSA project so, we planned not to go for PSP practical later. haha. i know. bad girl. but i lov NOT seeing NAT's first.

still havent top up my card, and yet still planning to watch movie with NJ on weds (its her B'DAY!) and with cheryl n Li ting on thurs (belated B'dae for LT). well...i dont really care anymore. NVM. me going to "listen" to the lecture now. toodles! ;)

^hAunTed. By The PaSt. ThaT sHouLd Be LoNg ForgOtTen^

edited version: ok. i juz found out. and i'm not reali sure how i felt. i felt numb. of course my friens hv no idea why. but i felt like how i felt a year ago. only this time i'm not sure if i hav e reason to feel dis way. like i said to sutha, i juz felt disappointed, sad, angry, and NUMB. i juz feel so F***ed Up. e onli werd dat can describe how i actuali felt. aniway, u don need to hear dis frm me. forget it.
n i cant even see my own freakin tagboard. but i asked my fren and they could. haiz. pls. pls. not again.

it has started. like i said, the madness has indeed arrived. for real. juz read on and you'll know why i said what i said.

so today we're supposed to finish our project so me and sutha reached school at around 9, when class only starts at 11. what we did was sit at the atrium and surf the net since our other beloved member, Shirlyn, was late (as always :p). i was sitting there and was wondering when is this girl going to get here. she msged me only to tell me that she will arrive at 10.20! when Sutha already said 9.15 sharp. anyway, i don't really mind since i really got no mood to do the IMMF project. or any other project for that matter.

so we did our stuff until it was time to go to class. went to class and suddenly i was feeling so pissed off because Connie was so damn irritating. she just can't seem to keep her mouth shut. and THEN. when she left, the guys were so damn irritating. i mean they were shouting here and there and i was still struggling to finish off my work as soon as possible. i almost shouted at them, and show them the other side of me, but i manage to control myself. it was just at the tip of my tongue. barely.

then, called shaz. only to find out that she's meeting me at Woodlands instead. so following Shirlyn's instruction, i happy2 went to eat lunch with her and Sutha when it was clear that Shazniah was already on the way. so ANYWAY, went to eat lunch. while sitting down, i saw this guy in red who looks like farhan. then, later thinking to myself, ok, maybe not. Sutha went to buy her food, so me and Shirlyn waited for her to return. i was sitting there and talking to Shirlyn while at the same time looking hard at the guy behind her (i swear that's Aaron Aziz) when i turn and dat red shirt guy pass by w his food. and it was indeed Farhan. only thing is when he passed by, he said hey. and i was like just turn and look at him. thinking to myself, why in the world are you talking to me? surprise of the century.

and it really was Aaron Aziz that i saw. cuz i can't be blind ok. and his table is close so i know what i saw. if you still dont believe me, then all i can say is that it's your problem, not mine.

so, went to Woodlands taking MRT instead of bus. in the MRT, this guy entered carrying a book along with him. and i absolutely fell in love with him. i mean a guy that reads? and not ashamed to let others know? interesting. and then, just so suddenly we started talking. and he asked for my number. and i shamelessly gave it to him. and then he said he's gonna call me tonight. in my dreams. GOTCHA.

of course nothing like that ever happened. anyway, met Shaz (she's been waiting for almost an hour :p. i hope you're not reading this Shaz.) She was with her bf cuz i told her yesterday that i dont mind if she decides to bring him along. he's alright la. i mean i dont really talk to him much. but he kinds of reminds me of someone i used to know.

so, we went to take bus to school. when we reached there, Shaz took her O's cert. yes, she still haven taken it, being Shazniah. and for the next few minutes, walked around school tryin to find our art teachers only to find out instead that one has left the school, and another was in INDONESIA and wont be back till DECEMBER. so. that says it all. you can guess how i felt.

anyway, talked to Mr T.C.H and he remembered me! haha. talked to Mr Liang also but i doubt he remembers me even though i last talked to him the other day during Teacher's Day. so after that, i went on home. What a day, huh? tell me bout it.

and still have a lot of projects to complete. OMG.

^If OnLy. IF ONLY. WeLL, A girL CAN dreaM caN't sHe?^

today is by far e first i came home late...10 den reach home...nv call or anitin..den of course mumi waiting for me. hehe. told her got project. true wad. but project finish ard 6 plus or 7 i tink. den angeline, eileen n lao da decide wan go watch movie but all like wrong timing. so decide go eat dinner instead. on e way to bus stop me so crazy wear laoda's big billabong jacket. so big dat wen i wear w e hood on, cannot see anitin sia. i wear ma black skirt den all black la..like so scary baby say. hehe. walk like dat go bus stop. of course wen reach der take out le. embarrassing ok.

aniway, go bukit timah plaza der eat kfc. din finish ma meal. burger giv lao da eat. manage to onli eat one chicken n gulp down two cups of pepsi. haha. so thirsty. dono y. maybe cuz pms? aniway, sit n eat until 9 plus den leave. so late. lao da got ask dis question. n who get it rite is a psycho. i got it rite. me hav a killer's mind. if u noe e question i talkin bout den u know y i said i have a killer's mind. aniway, suppose to go to library w nj today, but we skip it. haiz. wen to start studyin PROPERLY??

aniways, still hv lots of projects due dis wk. n we haven finish anitin yet. so tmr meeting up w grp members to finish immf. n i'm meetin shaz tmr!!! she meetin me in sch den frm der we goin back to evg to get back our portfolio. i wan ma werk back ok?? all ma sweat n hard werk n dey juz keep it der for e spider to create their webs. in other words, they not doing aniting w our werk so might as well giv it back to e owners OK?!

aniway..today li ting b'dae. called her juz now but i guez she too bz talkin w her oder frens, so she nv pick up. nvm la. tmr can call again.

aniway, so tired. n later gotta wake up early cuz need to go sch to finish project. haiz. STRESS!

^StiLL tHInK i'M gOnNa go CraZy. SooN. SooN eNouGh^

k, da lame tk update...n first time blog pakai bahasa melayu..hehez..tkpe..try je..aniway, tkde pape sgt ah dese days...cume smlm las of my s&w! yay! happy seh...tapi masih ader attachment dier ah...on e 25th..one day b4 ma b'd..sedih se..abeh joke w ma frens la kan, kalau sesat kat pulau ubin sane, den we celebrate der..haha..yelah tu..pasal kiter nye attachment nk kena gi pulau ubin..buat ape pun tk tau ah...all i know is dat kalau tk gi beh tk le pass e module..

aniway, hari tu jumpe ma cuz..kak yah..nk kasi balik cd dier..tapi since da jumpe kiter gi shopping skali ah..broke se...abeh dis friday Li Ting nye B'DAE lagi...n haven bought her anitin yet...tkpe ah..nk jumper nnti baru pikir sal ni smua..

dis wk kater nk blaja kat library for e whole wk w NJ. tapi jumpe dier satu hari je...:p hari monday..beh smlm balik kul 5 frm ocomm tapi tk gi sal nk kena buat byk online assignment..beh hari ni weather gd for sleepin at home...hujan..beh, teringatkan katil je lepas tu all thoughts of studyin juz went flying down e drain..haha..tkpe la..bsk kalau senang aku gi eh NJ? tapi tgk dulu ah cuz ader byk projects due dis wk n i haven get started lagi...da mule stress again..haiz..

ok, common tests comin again soon...in another 3 wks time agaknye..dis time mati la..org smua pandai2 ah ckp "u can do it saleha"..bla3x...ckp je..igt senang ke pe..taula korg smua pandai..tapi ckp gitu pun don reali help ok...in fact, it onli makes me feel werse..

beh skrg ngah pms... kat rumah pun naik angin ngan smua org..n i don even tok to ma mum animore...dats how bad tings are...tapi skrg w assigments n projects n common tests consumin ma time, tkde mase ah nk layan benda ni..mengarut je..sikit2 je nk marah..wadeve..can hardly care no more..

k la..maybe dat doesn reali sound like me kan, tapi org ngah pms, jadi paham2 ah..abeh mad at my adik also for no reason..kater nk ngok wayang tapi tk dgr kabar berita pun...satu bilik pun cam tkde pape..da la tau org tk suker ppl who don mean wad dey say. biarlah..tanak tgk sua..bole ajak org lain ah ok...

haiz...dono wad else to update on...borin dese days..mozly bz w projects n assigments...oh! haiz OP comin soon..nxt Tues...still haven prepare..tkper lah..pandai2 ah..mati aku...

^HeaDin to mA gRavE sOoN - eithEr dAt Or WoOdBriDge: ToO StReSSed UP! & goiN CraZY^

today went sch, first person i saw when i alight the bus was farhan. i tink he saw me also but i pretend pretend i dono him. i like ignore him like dat. y shld i speak to him aniway? hahaha... funi, den sutha said no wonder he was looking at me. muahahakz.

it looks like today is e first time dat i don realli feel so so depressed by e end of e day. so wad i did today was sch. not bad onli got dis incident dat happened after sch. Jianda's fault. glass panel broke. almost hit Yong Jia, but i guess he was realli lucky. aniway, after sch, had to go n meet Nat for e consultation tingie. while waitin for him, me n sutha laughed our asses off jokin here n der. my cheeks realli hurts n i felt like goin to the toilet after dat cuz we laughed so much. aniways wen he came, i juz kept quiet until everyone left den i ask him qns. nv reali giv me e answers. had to figure it out maself. forget it. not gonna talk bout it.

sutha left first as she was meetin her bf. she left me alone. haiz. aniway, lucky e consultation ended in a not so bad situation. den went back to woodlands n met haz. long time since i saw her. i guess. aniway, we walk ard cp n end up @ 7th floor. den jokin2 wanna watch movie. she don reali hv cash so i told her i'd blanja her. cuz i reali need to get ma mind off some tings, even if it is onli for a while. so i spent like 15 bucks on e tickets. we watched cinderella story. it was so cool. i reali enjoyed it. Chad is sooo sooo cute. i was like swoonin all over him. nah, not reali. but he is reali cool. too bad he's taken. hehez.

yeah, so dats wad i did today. it makes me feel a lil bit better at least. cuz i've had e werst mornin ever. mom scolds me again. surprise surprise. forget it.

so got back all ma results for ma modules. here they are. cant say i'm proud of it.

i juz don seem to get it. y everytin is juz goin wrong for me dese days. it juz seems like everywan is either pissed w me or pissin me off. if mom is pissed w me, den dat wld piss me off. its juz pissin in here. wadeve. bull. aniways. i have trouble walkin..ok not so much walkin as climbin up stairs. i hav like juz climbed e bukit timah nature reserve hill wadeve yesterday for ma orienteering. so it wasnt realli dat bad yesterday. but it definitely was tiring as hell. onli ting is, i woke up dis mornin w a huge ache on ma butt. a pain in e ass. literally. haha. no, its juz dat my thigh joints are aching. not sure if u get my meanin. i'm not even sure of it maself. so i juz cant climb stairs for e next few days cuz it'll be like 'ouch, ouch'. nothin much happened in sch today. juz dat we had lesson. found out dat e nxt common test will be doubly diff dan e previous wan. hell. i'm in deep trouble. lecturers say dat e first common test was easy dats y everywan get A's. OMG. i get a freakin D. how e hell m i gonna make it for ma second common test? *freakin out* aniways, after sch, accompany shirlyn to mel service center cuz of her lappie. problem. after dat went home. see? nothin much. not until i reached home. dats wer all e prob arise. ma mom. ma sis. jus everybody. its like e werld is juz pissed w me. but as far as i'm concern, i did nothin dat cld cause dis. been sobbin ma heart out quite a few times dese laz few days. its juz gettin werse and werse. but no one notices. cuz i still look pretty normal on e outside. onli ting is, inside its chaotic. real mess. so enuf bout dat. i am plannin to start studyin frm nw on, so dat i wont b left behind by all ma genius clazmatez. or maybe i'm e dumb one. who noes.

^InsIde & Out. Big DiFfereNce. No WonDer PpL alwaYs saY doN jUdgE a Bk By itS coVer^

omg. i was damn pissed. he juz cant leave me alone can he.
--wad happened-- my day: morning, set alarm at 6. wake up @ 7. meeting sutha at interchange at 7.30. rush everyting.
as usual went on e sleepy bus ride. almost fell asleep. but managed not to.
reached sch, wait for e rest. xue'er saw me n i talk to her n angeline for a while .
jeremy n simon wanted to leave for class so said gdbye to frens.
reached class teacher not in yet. spend time daydreamin. 9.15 still oder classmates haven arrived.
Mr Tan started revising. wen finally the rest arrived, gave common test results. got 95.5/100 happy, shocked, unbelievable.
went for IMMF lesson. Thai thai was exhausted. no results given.
mood by then: cheery break.
angeline baby went to send her bf to doc.
felt like eating briyani at canteen 1. no place. went to atrium n sit starin at ppl. started raining. 1.45pm, decided to go back to canteen 1. hopefully got place alreadi.
bought four plates of briyani for all of us. ate. delicious.
went to sq n use laptop. wanted to do psp prac but surf net instead. saw bun. was on his way to class. stop n chat w us. he woke up late so nv attend early class.
class startin @ 3. angeline still haven return yet. the rest went to class. me n eileen waited for baby. finally arrived in cab.
went to class. took stairs to e 5th level. almost died.
-PSP CLASS- Nat giving out results. wanted to see us one on one to talk bout paper. asked us to do PSP prac while waiting. surf e net instead. was not sure how to do prac. no intention of askin Nat.
my turn.
~hi how are u?~
~fine~
~would u like to take a sit?~
SAT
~here's ur paper.~
D+
~would u like to take a look at ur paper?~
LOOKED
~any qns bout e paper?~
~no~
~well first thing you didnt fail. but i would like you to atten remedial class. i would not want u to fail this subject. i see u as a bright person (this is the part where i was laughing silently) but also as a person who hates my guts. (silently thinking "oh so you noticed?")
see, my remedial class is... (this is the part where he babbles on and on abt his way of teachin remedial class. OH PLEASE.)
~so wad r u doin tmrw @ 9?~ ~i hav S&W~
~S&W?~ (this is the part where i explain to him what S&W is. N he calls himself a lecturer.)

the continous conversation is abt him askin me to attend remedial held tmrw. i told him i hav dis & dat, which was true. he told me to bring laptop. i said der were some difficulties.

N DEN he started mocking me. like saying "oohhh, is it dat diff to bring?" n "now dis is hard". n this is the part where he's starting to PISS ME OFF BIG TIME.
but i juz sat der n nod my head wadeve. i tink he'll still wan me to cum tmrw n bring ma lappie, if not for Lao Da. luckily he interrupted n said dat i was in e same S&W as him.
so Nat then goes: ~ooohh..ok. so it will be weds at 3 instead.~ n i was like U STUPID M.F! wouldnt dis be easier frm juz now??!!.

so left the table feelin damnPISSED. totallyPISSED to e core. spent the rest of e afternoon tryin to do prac but couldnt concentrate cuz was PISSED.
went home. met angeline on e way. went to bus stop 2geder. she took 61(?). i took 961. was thinking names durin e journey. name callin Nat dis n dat. not very nice werds. went home feeling more depressed n frustrated.
--end of story--

rite now i'm even more depressed than ever. i still hate Nat n i still hate PSP.
i am depressed to the core. no calls or msgs or motivation talk or laughter is gonna help me.
wishing to juz curl up n die.

^DeR CaN OnLi B One wHom i'd Go tO.^

^ThEy saY LauGhtEr iS thE bEz MedIcIne...YeAh wELl WherE"s mY sHarE Of tHat WeN i NeEd iT e MOz??!^

one whole day in sch nv wear specs or contacts...cannot see a ting sia...got la e reason...den i dont know how to escape frm Nat when he ask to copy frm the board to lappie. i cant even connect to the internet. well.. i think i got off quite easy. but like Nat keeps repeating so many times if you dont understand pls don hesitate to call me or email me and i'll meet u.

somehow he keeps repeating dis, its like its meant for me...like he keep wanting me to ask him for help. ok, i know i'm weak ok, but its juz uncomfortable la askin help frm him. i'd rather ask frm ma frenz. dat is if dey are willing to teach me. :( see the thing is i am sposed to meet him yesterday but i forgot all bout it. i mean i wasnt even in sch e whole day yesterday. and like i missed a lot of stuff it seems. during SW, i found out that we were suppose to go to the bukit timah nature reserve nxt week. and during OComm, found out that we're suppose to prepare bout a topic to talk bout durin e nxt lesson. haiz. when i nv cum looks like i missed lotsa tings. if i cum, den noting. always like dis.

aniway, today, i didnt go w haz at all. i went to sch. e ting is, there was a change of plans. dats y. den i went to sch get results. for my CSA paper. my marks? 49 3/4 upon 100. i am serious. not joking at all. if u don believe me ask ma frens. and like my frens all pass. *_* always like dis. no comments. i am so not looking forward to get the other test paper results. and if all my frens pass again wen dey keep sayin they'd fail, i tink i'll strangle dem one by one. figure it out yourself if i'm serious or not. its like today go sch no mood at all. my frens all askin y i sad. dono y. but i tink got some reason. but even i not sure liao. hmm..how do u explain dat? i mean i hv no feeling today. looks like i was feeling moody e whole time. and when get results, face nv change but feeling even worse inside. no one to complain to.

haiz. who understand me? but i tink the headache also plays a part man. and i can feel the beginning of a sore throat. T_T feels so sick and stress! *sobz* (cryin silently) not feeling so gd. but i'm not realli cryin. don wori. onli feels like it. *SIGH* tmw got dis ting bout e sars ting. muz bring dis la. dat la. haiz. wadeve. oh yeah. later my frens b'dae...ooohhh. almos forgot. muz update my bloggie. no more augus babies. now sept alreadi...k k..got a lot to be done...later!

^I aM fEeLing SicK! LiteRaLlY~ boDy'S nOt weLL, n My mInd's Not FeEling gd As WelL^