One thing I've never figured out. Until today.
I'm usually a nice person. I'm not bragging.
But.

I've just come to realise that I've never considered the feelings of a certain species gender. Especially those of a certain type.
Until today, when I really thought about it.
And this was before the night, where all those stupid conflicts began.

I just come to realise that even those certain types have feelings.
Its not even something I thought about, let alone prioritise.
In these cases I only selfishly put my feelings and emotions first.
Totally forgetting and ignoring that the other party is equal in that way as well - the fact that they too has feelings.

I'm cruel.

And I have an incredibly huge guilty conscience, even I hate myself for it, sometimes.

Plus, the fact that I've been talking in riddles a lot lately. (Like the usual miSzmeSs's post)

I'm going crazy.
I'm sighing like crazy which is not good.
I keep asking myself "WHY?" over and over and over again.
Without any progress of getting the right answer.
I need to sort this out from the beginning.

Actually, when I think about it, I don't know if I'm trying to convince myself, or whether its really ME talking. I'm going to start taking this thing seriously.

Or its going to affect my whole lifestyle.

What do I do?

I'm going crazy I can cry.

I'm suffering from a splitting headache.
I'm having exams the week after next. (Well, granted, only 2 papers, but still.)
I haven't started studying yet.
I've been having early nights recently.
I've been feeling very tired alot lately.
I have too many books to catch up on.
I can't figure out how I ended up in this kind of mess.

Yay, I finally get to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Yes, I'm slow, but hopefully I can read it peacefully this time round. Plus, I've got Memoirs of a Geisha to read, as well as my Chronicles of Narnia! Ah well, I still can't believe I bought it though.

Messy messy mess. I'm in such a mess. Oh and I finally found Hastuty again! (okay, so more like she found me. Or was it Ain found her, and she found me..er, never mind.) I miss my primary school mates. I've been seeing people from primary school alot lately. (I just saw Kelvin just now, Mr Shah's favourite pupil)

The most wondrous thing is, these people don't really change alot, so its not really difficult to spot them and remember them. BUT I could've sworn, no one from primary school will remember me. Haha, well that's a lie, but no one will really notice anyway. I have a knack for remembering people's faces. Don't really know why though.

Anyway, I guess its up till here? I've got some revision to do, before my extra class tomorrow. Wouldn't want to disappoint my tutor, who's been really nice to us since the beginnning of the semester. Until next time, when I feel like blogging.

Ugly

When I was 7
They said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was OK
They said you're more beautiful
And that's the way they show that they wish
They had your smile
So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared
That I was shorter than everyone there
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
Cos I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody
And never realises how it affects somebody
And you bet it won't be forgotten
Envy is the only thing it could be

Cos people are all the same
(The same, the same)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, you)
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
(Oh, oh, oh)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, so are you)
So are you
So are you

Promise

What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let me go
Promise me you'll never let me go

And now the stars aren't out tonight,
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?
These memories can't replace,
These wishes I wished and dreams I chased
Take this broken heart and make it right

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

I never thought I'd be the one to say
Please don't, well please don't leave me

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

You're not making this easy (easy, easy, easy...)

Take my hand and never let me go,
Take my hand and never let me go,
Promise me...
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
Make this last forever

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy

I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you

Sometimes when you give the same reason over and over again, it may begin to sound like an excuse. My reason for being home late every so often is of course the projects/assignments that are given every so often. I've been ranting on and on about projects since..forever.

But people tend to have doubts when they hear the same reason without actually seeing any evidence to back up those words. Anyway, now my curfew has dropped to 7.30pm, but I'm fine with it. Its not like I love to stay out very late anyway, and I don't really have anywhere to go or anything to do. It's not the end of the world. At least not mine anyway.

Those people can believe whatever they want. It's not like I lied, all I know is that I'm telling the truth, and if they do not want to believe me, then so be it. I've never made an attempt to correct people's mistakes. Therefore I see no reason why this should be a first. I'm not in the wrong, and I know what I've been doing. Even if I were to lie, I'm not stupid enough to use the same reason over and over again.

Ironically as it is, I can't believe that I'm actually treated like I have a boyfriend. Because this similar thing happened to someone who actually does have one, but unlike myself, I don't. But people's minds do tend to wander, believing any kinds of possibilities. So I might have a boyfriend to hide, or I might be out there somewhere doing drugs, or having fun and getting high, smoking, clubbing, gathering together with a group of so-called 'friends' and do indecent stuff, flirt around and pick up guys, and...well, the list goes on.

I'm just too tired to prove them wrong. And I hate myself enough as it is already.